The Empire of The Archiepelago is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by John with an iron fist, and renowned for its aversion to nipples, public floggings, and enslaved workforce. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 29.732 billion Archiepelagoans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Fazio. The average income tax rate is 98.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Archiepelagoan economy, worth a remarkable 8,433 trillion dollars a year, is quite specialized and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 283,654 dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

Flatulent people are left to die of cancer at the end of hospital waiting lists, medical experts advise that those claiming to be medical experts are probably fraudsters, double-parking is on the rise as automobile numbers increase, and the nation won three wars against Brancaland this weekend. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Archiepelago's national animal is the Dragon, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Sithism.

The Archiepelago is ranked 17,166^th in the world and 13^th in Ozzy for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 1,298.89 on the Clooney Contribution Index.